Abduction
I was abducted by aliens.
It’s been about three months since. They’ve fed me, gave me my own room, and have left me alone. Really. They haven’t done anything to me, except kidnap me and drag me across the world. I even have free reign of the ship. They just look at me funny when I walk around.
Each of them has two heads, a red one and a purple one, which are stuck on long necks that can look around corners. It’s unsettling.
I had been at home in Arkansas, brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed when a brilliant flash of light struck me. Boom, I was here.
I spent those first few days terrified, huddled in a corner, fending them off. But when they didn’t hurt me, offering me food, I figured that they must have some other reason for taking me. I hadn’t found out what it was.
I was just, sort of, a ghost. Or a pet. The food they gave me was earth food, but it looked like it was just grabbed from a grocery store. Unfortunately, it seems they missed the spice shelves. I’ve eaten hunks of cooked unseasoned meat. It’s rough. I’m surviving, but the things I’ve done to what I hope are the toilets…well, it’s better if I don’t say.
There are windows, and looking out I just see the void of space. I don’t see anything I recognize, but I never knew much about the stars. I mean, if Jupiter were right out the window I could say where I was, but not this. I don’t know any constellations except for the Big Dipper, and I didn’t see that out my window.
Well, if I was going to be stuck here, might as well find out what my fate was to be. I mustered my courage, sinched up my belt, and went on my way to the halls where the aliens were. They seemed to like certain parts of the ship.
I went in front of one of them (or was it two of theme, with the two heads and all), planted my feet and told them in no uncertain terms how things were going to be.
“Um…excuse me…Mr. Alien. My name is Doug and if it is not too much of a hassle, I was hoping you might tell me what is going on and if maybe you might be able to return me to my home,” I declared.
“We needed you,” the thing said in perfect English.
“How do you know English?” I asked, momentarily flummoxed.
“We watch TV.”
“Oh. Right. Well…can you send me home?”
“No,” both heads said, shaking. “We need you.”
“For what?”
The alien looked at me gravely. “For access to the faster hyper lane route. We need five sentient beings to go and you technically count, even though you can’t get beyond your moon and have never seen the color Veroigiblook.”
“You stole me to use a carpool lane?”
The alien smiled and patted me on the back. “You get it. This way is faster. We get to the concert on time.”
“Oh.” I frowned. “Can you take me back after?”
“Why would you want to,” the alien said. “Because of relativity, everyone you knew will be dead. Might as well keep going.”
“What!” I was devastated. Everything I had ever known gone just like that. “What concert is so important that you would kidnap me from my home to get to!”
The alien pulled out a shirt. I recognized the figure. “David Bowie,” we said together.
“Alright,” I said. “Worth it.”
Michael Frutig 